Play time is serious

Observations from the Playground

Work is the Distraction

Now that springtime warmth and sun has hit the North Shore suburbs of Chicago we are making playground visits almost daily.

My kids NEED to release energy and watching them run, jump, climb, laugh, scream, make friends, chase each other, create games, and move with purpose swells my heart.

But I’d be remiss if I didn’t notice something else far too often, parents neglecting the importance of this play time for kids and completely getting the energy wrong.

I get it, play time isn’t serious business right, it’s just a space to blow off steam, to make sure the little ones don’t destroy the house, and a chance for the parents to let down their guard and deeply exhale.

I want to share a quick story from our park experience last night, not to judge the individuals involved but to use this specific incident as a stand in for what I see far too often with parents, their kids, and the play space.

There are deep lessons for us all to mine when thinking about what happens on at your neighborhood playground.

Paying Attention

Play time is the most important time of the day for kids, it’s where they learn.

The famous developmental psychologist Jean Piaget transformed the world of play into a master laboratory of discovery, education, imagination, wonderment, challenge, and growth when he proposed his then radical idea that children learn directly through play.

So when a child is at play, it’s a deeply meaningful and all absorbing activity. No wonder parent’s have such a HARD TIME getting kids to leave when they say.

And if you’re a parent that works, doesn’t see your kids hardly at all during the day, this little moment of play with you present becomes an even more important part of the day.

If learning is hard, and playing is learning, than learning with a parent present creates a safety blanket over the experience. You can always run to Mom or Day when the game breaks down.

When we got to the park last night I say two different parental approaches.

My kids go a bit wild at playgrounds, my daughter especially likes to create imaginative ways to move through the playground that the designer carelessly overlooked in their design stage.

One dad with his three kids was already at the slide, and my two kids synched up with them to create a five kid mayhem zone around the slide. You should have heard the laughs. Myself, my wife, and this other dad gave them space but watched intently, nudging them towards a more controlled chaos but certainly not interrupting the play.

Then another family showed up, two kids. The dad went into action and started spinning his kids on another piece of equipment. Awesome, I thought to myself, this dad is here to play too!

But then I heard the all too familiar line “Dad can’t spin you anymore, his arm is too tired.” This after 30 seconds of playtime.

Then he removed himself from the situation. Staring down at his phone, walking over to a bench, barely acknowledging the play world of the kids.

His kids synched up with my girl and they played on this wild slide for probably 15 minutes. They ran up and down, crashing around, laughing, chasing eachother, having a good time exploring the boundaries.

When it was time to go, the Dad looked up from his phone completely oblivious to the fact his kids had been running up this slide for 10 minutes.

“Hey, NO RUNNING UP THE SLIDE!”

Get real Dad, you haven’t been paying attention. Your kids have been doing it and you’ve done nothing to stop it. Now you’re gonna pull the strong hand at end the playtime when you haven’t even been paying attention to it? Weak move, bro.

You can guess what happened. His kids didn’t listen, and to be honest they shouldn’t have given his inattention to them, and he erupted in anger.

“YOU’RE DONE” he yelled as he tried to grab his kids by the arms and yank them away from the playground.

Our daughter didn’t help, and when she came over to me we had a brief and firm chat about respecting other parent’s wishes about their kids actions. My girl kept encouraging those kids to keep playing, they were learning after all, and the kids listened to her, not her dad.

It’s a hard thing to tell a kid that the other parent had no idea what was happening but we still need to respect their wishes, because they sense exactly what happened. Dad wasn’t paying attention, totally missed the game, and reacted out of anger when he couldn’t properly extract the kids from play world.

That family had a sad trip back home to say the least.

Play time’s supposed to be fun.

What’s most valuable

The whole episode sticks out to me because I see it happen ALL THE TIME.

Parents too strung out from work to give any attention and energy to their kids. Kids acting out in order to get the attention they crave.

The parents misunderstanding that behavior and expecting the kid to just listen, behave, not be a bother, and to give the parent space to themselves.

Man, it all sounds so backwards when you spell it out so simply.

So what’s the big lesson from it all. I think there are two.

FIRST: Your Attention is a Precious Commodity

Where you look determines what you see.

You can’t divide energy and expect people not to notice you’re distracted. Kids sense this most of all, especially when they’ve waited all day to spend time with you and you give them less than half of your attention.

If you say you value one thing, but when given the opportunity, determine to spend your energy in another place, you don’t truly value that thing.

We have finite attention, where you spend it is a DIRECT reflection of you value most.

Do a quick audit of how you focus your attention and you’ll see a big gap between your ideal and what turns out to be real.

Don’t be discouraged, instead use the reality check as a call to action to live more towards what you say you value and match your attention to the intention.

SECOND: Play is SERIOUS

I don’t think I could ever say this enough.

Play is not some frivolous activity that’s a diversion from real life.

PLAY IS REAL LIFE.

Without play there is no game, no rules, no boundaries, no possibility for freedom, no chance for potential, zero ability for joy, and don’t even get me started on the absence of love found in an absence of play either.

Play precedes order. Play determines identity and relationships. Play is an expression of passion.

Play is the SPIRIT in ACTION.

Whenever you destroy the play world with the ‘seriousness’ of the adult world you crush the spiritual part of existence, leaving just the mechanics.

When an adult yells “YOU’RE DONE” and shuts down the play world out of convenience and neglect, it’s a direct loss in the spiritual arena.

Now recognize that adults do this to themselves ALL THE TIME. Especially when we consider where the ‘attention’ goes when there is no more room for the serious work of play.

Fix this by making play important again in your life.

Do things just because you enjoy them.

Get better because you love producing more beautiful results from your effort.

Let passion guide you in some areas to balance out the stuffy ‘seriousness’ every other part of your adult life requires.

And just one more word on the kids.

Imagine, from the moment you wake you are being directed by a larger person who is physically capable of making you do what they say.

Every thing that comes your way is a command, a request, a ‘non-negotiable,’ a check on your behavior, an expose of what you’re doing wrong, a reminder to do better.

You’re told what to do ALL DAY, and the ONE OASIS IS THE PLAYGROUND where the kids rule and the adults sit back and stay silent.

Imagine the type of OGRE you become when you destroy this world for them because you’re too busy removing yourself from having to care about the playworld.

Could NEVER BE ME.

And I hope it’s NEVER YOU TOO.

Whether that’s for the kids you raise or the inner child within yourself we must constantly nurture.

Happy Training Team!