It's always the process, the outcome is an illusion

A Coaching Case Study on what personal development really looks like

There’s a truth I used to tell my freshman college students when they wandered into my office to ask a question about their upcoming assignments or tests. If they showed a bit of enthusiasm around the material, the course, or asked an intriguing question I would instantly light up and give them way more than they were expecting as an answer. Everytime they would look at me pleasantly surprised.

“Why did you get so excited to help me?”

My answer was always the same.

“True education is a cycle between teacher and student. The teacher provides the initial inspiration with their enthusiasm. When the student responds with even more curiosity, inquiry, and enthusiasm of their own, it amplifies the will of the teacher to do EVEN more teaching. This creates the powerful wheel of learning through mutual inspiration.”

They loved it. It was true. And it’s something I’ve brought with me into my coaching career after leaving the university in Spring 2022.

I am constantly inspired by the people who trust me to be their coach in life and fitness. They energize me to raise my game, to push harder in areas I need to grow personally, and to be there for them when they need it.

Today I’m inspired to talk about my one guy KW and share the incredible journey he’s been on since we started working together at the beginning of this year.

Through his journey, I hope to share how important the physical can be in strengthening the mental and spiritual components of ourselves so that you become courageous to take on the difficult process of self discovery and improvement through sport.

Help me with THIS

KW wasn’t out of shape physically when he messaged me in December 2023.

He was looking specifically to use fitness and training as a way to break some mental patterns he knew were limiting his happiness. He also wanted to see how he could get in touch with his spiritual side through physical training. We had an initial discovery call and then we were right into a 6 month coaching program.

He was a typical guy who works out but doesn’t train. He’d be in the gym, moving from lift to lift without any real direction other than “I’ve got to get stronger, and every lift has to be better than the last.” This ‘all or nothing’ mentality started to sap his desire and motivation, it was hurting his consistency.

I see this often, the numbers and results get in the way of finding happiness in the process.

So first thing we did was forget the numbers and instead focus on consistency in showing up. We checked down from 90 minute gym sessions to 20-30 minute at home body weight workouts. We focused on 20-25 minute runs around the neighbourhood.

KW leads a team at his work and has a youg family with two young kids at home as well. He wanted his fitness to support his leadership at home, and we aimed right there with his fitness approach. But we needed to get to the heart of the matter. We needed an aim to bring out what he desired from our program. We needed a race on the calendar.

The importance of aim (why the backyard helped us find meditation)

Imagine you’re at the start of a journey, your feet are in the middle of a circle. There are 360 different ways to move forward, one for each degree of the circle. Only 1 of the 360 is the correct aim for you. Let’s say the number is 120. There’s a big difference between where you’re aiming if you stand looking out at 120 instead of 350 for example. But what about 119? Or 121? At the beginning of the journey, 119, 120, 121 all look pretty much the same. But the farther out you go, the further apart they become.

This is why aim is so important at the beginning. You can be close, but even if the aim is slightly off, it will produce giant differences the longer you move out through the process.

It’s what drove KW to work with me. He’d start off a new journey thinking his aim was true, heck he might only be one degree off, but he never arrived where he hoped.

I believe a big competition in sports is a great anchor to aim towards when looking to power your exercise with love as the main driver. I wanted KW to run a big race with myself and a number of my other clients at the 2024 Prairie on Fire Backyard Ultra in September. It was a big scary competition, one he would need to train for in a way that would bring about the internal transcendence he’d hope to find through exercise.

He’d been hesitant to sign up for big races, so this was the signal to aim there. This aim proved correct because it opened up KW to figure out what he really needed to find in physical exercise: an escape into the present.

My philosophy on sports includes a strong belief that each sport, physical exercise, or broad athletic movement pattern contains an inherent set of virtues. Put another way, moving your body in certain ways generates or reinforces certain character traits.

In weightlifting for example it’s harness intensity for a short explosive burst. Bring all you have for a few seconds and GO AS HARD AS POSSIBLE. Do this for a decade straight and you will act in this way in other domains of life. This is what defined KW for his exercise.

Switching to an endurance frame aimed at an ultramarathon turned KW onto a different path. Endurance is defined by presence in pain and a willingness to move forward when you want to stop. The founder of the Endurance Training Team I coach on,

Ryan Dreyer

, defined it this way: “Endurance doesn’t start until the first moment you want to quit.”

KW started out with an ‘all or nothing’ weightlifting type of energy when he started endurance training. He thought he needed to hit 2 hour + runs multiple times a week or else he wouldn’t be prepared. But it turns out he needed to simply get in touch with that part of himself that wants to quit when things get difficult.

This led us to his big breakthrough, that meditation was the biggest physical challenge facing him. KW needed to learn to slow down, sit in the present moment, and resist all urges to move. One of the things that stalled his progression in weights was not being where he thought he should be sapping his motivation. When he wouldn’t see his lifts going up for example, he thought something was wrong with him cause he expected to be lifting more.

Meditation was the perfect cure to this because it’s not forced to an outcome, but to a process. Just sit still, be ok with the thoughts that come and go, and don’t get up when you feel the urge. At first that was after 1 minute! But slowly he worked up to 15-20 minutes.

The simple switch in aim produced incredible results of self-discovery for KW. And it was going to pay off big time when we finally got to the race we aimed ourselves towards from the very beginning of our program together.

6 month triumph

Finding meditation as the anchor habit for KW was big. It helped us find great success in switching his mindset around how he needed to utilize physical activity in his life. Now was the chance to see if it all paid off. How was the race going to go?

KW didn’t train as much as he wanted to for the race. He was fine finding 20-30 minutes to run a few times a week but didn’t find the ability to really get out on long runs and prep properly for a real ultramarathon.

Old KW would have been FREAKING OUT. But now he had the power of presence and how to look down fear of outcomes. The race wasn’t about going far, it was about being alone and enjoying the present moment in pain, and fighting through the desire to quit. There was an internal peace about the process that gave KW a calm quiet confidence.

Without any expectation, he turned in a performance for the ages, running 12 laps and 50 miles. He even zoned out into a runners high that lasted 7 laps, the way he described laps 2-9. And it was obvious from watching him jog confidently and at peace with himself. He looked like he was in heaven, no suffering, all absorbed into the present moment. Not needing to be anywhere other than where he was right there, in that moment, aimed true.

There’s NO chance KW from 2023 even makes it to the starting line of the race, let alone shelves his anxiety about performance to focus on the experience instead. I define races as celebrations of transcendence, but not how most people assume. For most, the finish line is where the breakthrough happens. I disagree. It’s the starting line that matters most. If you’ve truly transformed yourself through the process of training for the race then the most important outcome is already secured before you even start. The discipline, struggle, dedication, refusal to quit, and eagerness to bear the honest consequences of the contest are what matters most when using sport to train the spirit.

That’s what KW wanted most. That’s where we aimed. That’s what he achieved.

What a great performance he had. He earned it!

The peril of coasting

Why don’t we see a lot of repeat champions in sports? Does a champion performer really lose their skill advantage so quickly over their opponents? You’d think there’d be more continuity in winners year over year but there are two things that tend to happen.

First, the champion tends to coast. They take their foot off the gas. Afterall, they achieved the ultimate goal, it’s ok to ease off a bit.

Second, the opponents ramp up their effort. Now the champ has a target on their back. Everyone wants to ‘take them down.’ You get everyone’s best performance.

Once you break through the opponents come harder at the same time the champ lets down their guard. It makes sense why it’s so hard to repeat.

I’ve recognized through coaching that the same process occurs inside ourselves whenever we breakthrough. It could be professionally, athletically, or in personal development.

Once we ‘achieve’ we certainly coast on our laurels. But here’s something else, the excuses that used to hold us back, the limiting attitudes, and mental ruts also change, just like the opponent who gets stronger to come take down the champ. We don’t hear the same old thing, but instead a new excuse enters our mind and since we just broke through, it’s ok to give in, just this one time right.

Some of the people I coach don’t fall back into their old habits, but many aren’t able to recognize the way their old habits shift to look like next obstacles. That’s what happened to KW. After the race he took his foot off the gas on the day to day fundamentals that led him to the breakthrough.

This happens frequently. You mistake the outcome for the process that allowed you to acheive the process. For KW this meant he began skipping out of the difficulty of meditation. He started getting up earlier and earlier, eventually stopping the practice. Then his exercise consistency fell off. Then his emotional reactions to work and family adversity went awry. Pretty soon he felt as if he crashed all the way back down to where we started (not true).

Transferring skills

This is where the value of my specific coaching comes in. It’s not that we need to be able to forecast the exact ways our internal dialogue changes as we improve ourselves as individuals. We need to understand ouselves intimately so that we notice when we aren’t in proper alignment with our values and the practices we used to aim true towards them.

It’s why I get my people to know themeselves in body, mind, and spirit at their best and worst. It’s to be able to recognize which part of you feels weak in the moment, and how to use the other parts to counteract that with strength. KW noticed himself slipping in all 3 and we got back together to continue our good work together.

Since then he’s got his mojo back. Importantly, we’ve used the strength of meditation to push even further into self knowledge and understanding.

He smashed another ultramarathon, putting up an incredible performance that solidified the work we’ve accomplished.

He signed up on whim, wasn’t fully trained, lost himself in the present moment, ran way harder than he should have, figured out how to limp through the final 30% of the race, and had the biggest smile you’d ever seen crossing the finish line.

He’s also practicing patience, compassion, understanding, and grace in his work and home life at his highest level yet. He’s mastering the process, allowing him to ease of the pressure of the outcomes, and respond in real time to adversity the way he values most, with his heart leading the way.

The way he’s responded is why I chose to write about his story today and share it with you. I love showing up for the people who refuse to quit on themselves despite making the seemingly ‘same mistake’ over and over again. Because let’s be real, no one is perfect and everyone falls prey to the same habits and attitudes. Watching KW inspires me to keep pushing hard in my own development, to open up more to my own coach, and to stay vigilant on the ways my internal dialogue changes the more I level up.

Takeaways

The big takeaway from reflecting on KW’s amazing journey is this: You must always be in process to avoid the setbacks that come from big acheivements

In a racing context, it’s getting ready for the start line instead of focusing on the finish line.

Here’s how I want you to understand this pressure and what you can do rise above it as you keep hitting your goals.

First: Don’t get discouraged about having the resolve the same old problem with yourself.

It’s not proof that you aren’t levelling up. The fact what seems new is actually old is sign of progress. You aren’t going to be done in by the same excuse, so the enemy withing adapts and comes back harder and stronger. When you realize you’re solving the same problem in a different way that means you’ve grown.

Second: If you defeated it once, you can again, but you need to grow.

Think of it like a video game. When you beat level 1 you get to go to level 2, but in order to beat level 2 you need to learn something new that builds off what you learned to beat level 1. Skills stack. Lessons multiply on themselves. This is the new challenge you have to meet to get to that next level. It’s good to face the challenge, it means you’re ready to overcome it.

Third: Resolve yourself to believe in the process.

Here’s the hardest part, you have to stay in this loop forever. You don’t get to transcend to a point where you no longer have to worry about falling back down. You’re one week of not paying attention to the fundamentals from falling off for good. Just because you broke through a level upward doesn’t mean you can’t crash back down. And shockingly, it happens fast. The stacking of small wins can be undone with laziness and fear to keep moving towards the next level. There is no plateu, there is not coasting, that’s an illusion. There is only movement up or down. So you have to endeavour to keep seeking the challenge in order to bring about the growth it demands from you.

The Power of Coaching

For some that means having a coach to help them through the consistent ups and downs. For others that means relying on a foundational anchor habit when things start to stack in the wrong direction, they’ve learned to create a hard floor that creates a strong bouncback. Still others use external events like races and competitions to orient themselves in a process of challenge. It looks different for each of us.

I wanted to share KW’s story because what looks like him not ‘learning the lessons’ is really him finding out that he needs to keep on the process if he wants to not only hold onto his gains but keep realizing more of them in the future. And he’s not alone. We all mistake the outcome for the process and hope we can just coast on our achievement. But it doesn’t work like that. We must always strive to do the hard work!

This year I’ve shared as much as I can about my coaching process, how I use that philosophy in my own lifel, and how I’ve helped many people discover how deep physical activity can be in orienting their lives around deep value and purpose. My goal is that reading this substack every week has inspired you to take a new look at physical activity, as an expression of your spirit. I’ve given away tips, advice, systems, examples, and case studies to guide any person who wants to go on this journey alone.

But I also write for the person who needs more, to help give them the courage to reach out and hire a coach, a guide, a mentor, to help them along their journey. Too often, espeically for men, we view ‘reaching out for help, as a weak play. That’s the opposite. It’s a courageous and STRONG move to admit you need guidance and take on the responsibility of getting it into your life. I have a coach. We talk 1-2 times a month. He guides me through business and life in a way that helps me better understand myself as I endeavour to live by my values and succeed.

If you’ve tried to go alone and keep finding the same results, that you’r just not getting to the destinantion you’ve hoped, it’s a sign to ask for some help. And it’s likely if you’re reading this and resonate with this feeling, you already have a good idea of who it is you want to help you. Your final tasks for 2024 is to ask for help in 2025. Reach out to that person who inspires you, who you think can be a mentor, the one who can help you break free from past limitations, and see if they truly are the person to help you. Maybe you sign up for coaching. Maybe you realize it’s not right for you. But you won’t know until you take that first step. Be courageous, be brave, and ask for help. There is no downside. But the potential to change the trajectory of your life is MASSIVE. You owe it to yourself to make the first step. It’s time

I also know someone is reading this right now and thinks I might be that coach for them. You owe it yourself to hit that button below and send me a message so we can discover together if I am the right coach for you. If you read KW’s story and think that you need some of that same perspective when it comes to physical activity, I know I can help you achieve the same results I’ve shared today. That’s my promise to you. But I can’t help if you don’t take that brave first step. It’s your time. Let’s win together!

Happy training friends!