Get off the sidelines and into the arena
A story of overcoming the limits adults place on their sport participation
Participation is better than Consumption
“That race you did in the desert, it was 100 miles I think, I’d NEVER do something like that.”
While I understand a 100 mile trail race isn’t going to appeal to everyone I’ll be honest, I get sick of having to confront this attitude every time someone brings it up.
It’s symptomatic of a society that tells adults to throw out dreams of adventure and challenge with our bodies and instead watch others do it for us.
The message I get:
It’s silly for me to want to push my own body in race, but totally acceptable to sit on the couch, drink my face off, and cheer for other grown men to live out their athletic dreams.
My answer:
Nah, I’m just over it all. And so should you.
Now don’t get it twisted, I’m not here to say NEVER watch sports or relax on the couch in front of a game.
I’m telling you to go after your own dreams FIRST and refuse to settle for life as a consumer. You deserve to be in the GAME yourself.
A real life example of getting into the game
And it’s not just something I say, but what I DO and what I guide my coaching clients through in our work together.
Let me use my guy ‘C’ as the example and then I’ll outline how you can get out of the spectator chair and back into the arena as a competitor.
It was early fall in 2023 and ‘C’ started a 3 month coaching package with me. He wanted to break out of years of bad health habits by finding a consistent approach to fitness. He didn’t have any plans on running races (or at least he never told me) but wanted to show up as a better dad and husband for his family.
I remember one of the first questions he asked me on our first coaching call, trying to grasp how a different perspective on fitness was going to make it stick for him this time. I was talking to him about our plan to get him moving 6-7 days a week as an exercise foundation before figuring out where to aim that fitness more specifically.
“What do you consider exercise?”
Great question. I answered him honestly.
“It’s any intentional movement that forces you to lose yourself in the present moment of physical intensity.”
This was the unlock he needed.
So many people have an ‘all or nothing’ attitude when it comes to exercise. If it’s not the perfect 60-90 minute session in the gym, then it’s not going to count. Sounds crazy, but this is what happens inside a lot of people’s minds. If they can’t have it ALL then they choose to have NOTHING.
All of a sudden, my prescription of exercising 5-7 days a week became real and tangible to ‘C’. If he could bang out some squats, pushups, and lunges in 10-15 minutes in the morning, after work, right before bed, then he’d get credit for ‘exercising’ that day.
This revelation opened up a new world of movement, and ‘C’ eagerly took the lesson and ran with it (pun intended).
Now that consistency was less of an issue, we needed to aim that exercise towards something long lasting, not just the initial motivation of getting back in fitness. This is our ‘get off the couch and into the game moment.’
I convinced ‘C’ to run a race with me and a bunch of other guys, some of whom I was also coaching, in the late summer of 2024. It’s a neat race idea, a backyard ultra, where the last runner willing to go out for a 4⅙ mile loop on the hour, every hour, wins the race. It’s a great chance to race, but also hang out with people who shared the struggle with you, and to cheer on those still running.
At first he looked at me crooked.
“Cool idea, but I can’t run 3km right now without feeling like Death. How am I going to run an ultra marathon? Won’t I just fail after the first few laps? Is that really worth the trip, time, and cost?”
That’s the limiting mindset adults are told to adopt as we grow up. Instead of thinking of the competition as an opportunity to grow and learn, it was the clear negatives of taking a risk and putting yourself out there that I heard back first.
This wasn’t just something I noticed in ‘C’ for fitness, but also his attitudes at work and in family life. There was too much settling, too much fitting in, too much acceptance of comfort.
Slowly but surely, ‘C’ put in the work on himself. He showed up consistently for himself in exercise and began to stand up for himself in other areas.
As he began to run farther, faster, and freer, he began taking back personal freedom at work and using that extra time to be the best dad and husband he could. No more putting his own life and dreams on the backburner, he ARRIVED.
To end our 3 month coaching session, I took ‘C’ on a nasty 10K trail run with 1100ft of climb. He hated hills, still does I think, so this was a big challenge.
But something amazing happened on the run, because we anchored our work in a competition this run felt more like the beginning than the end. Now that he’d established consistent habits the idea of wanting more was palpable for ‘C.
We haven’t even run our race yet in September but he’s gotten himself into the arena. He ran a 25km trail race and signed up for a trail Marathon a month before our race. Now competing seems like a ‘normal’ thing for him.
But without going through a powerful mental and spiritual transformation, ‘C’ would still be scared of those competitions
“Will I finish? I’ll be the slowest!” What if I’m not strong enough? Won’t people know I’m not a runner?
Those thoughts of self-doubt turned into thoughts of self-challenge.
“This will be fun! “I love getting to challenge myself this way now! MY kids will see that I didn’t quit, they don’t know or care about how fast I went!” It’s awesome bringing this part of me out again.”
‘C’ used to play rugby, was convinced he could never be a runner, and was living a life where he’d let you know how he felt about the big game on the weekend, but was never going to be in that arena again himself.
Now, he’s set his sights on an athletic career filled with racing, meeting new people, forging strong relationships, and seeing how far and fast his will can take him.
No surprise he’s also back killing it at work, calling his own shots on schedules and meetings, making family and his fitness THE priority and no longer giving himself away.
YOU NEED TO COMPETE TOO!
A competition is public. A competition is honest. A competition gives you no place to hide. That’s why we need to compete.
It’s why as part of my coaching I aim my guys towards putting a date on the calendar and using that accountability as an anchor in our physical and mental work together.
But the real value is making you remember you aren’t a passive spectator in this life, you’re an ACTIVE participant.
Modern society gives us comfort and promotes a voyeuristic experience of the world. If we watch someone else do it, it’s like we got to do it to. With the growth of Virtual Reality and the ubiquity of smartphones, it’s easier than ever to escape reality and live in a world where consuming other people’s experiences becomes the primary way we experience our own life.
But this doesn’t lead to satisfaction and happiness.
It leads to self neglect, self-deception, and a WHOLE LOT OF REGRET.
The games you watched on TV are never are never as memorable as the ones you played in yourself.
The contests from your childhood loom large, the sports you created with your buds, and that one game where it all came together for you and your squad. This is what made us sports fans for life.
Going to the arena and seeing our heroes playing LIVE was when we cemented our love of sports, but without us playing them ourselves, those heroes wouldn’t be larger than life legends to aspire towards.
Too long on the sidelines of sport, and soon we find ourselves on the sidelines of life. Letting others dictate to us how we should live, what we should value, and what dreams are acceptable to chase.
But just like my guy ‘C’ you don’t have to settle for such complacency.
A competition on the calendar gives you the urgency to go after something for yourself.
Imagine the thrill of completing a challenge and dreaming of what you could conquer next?
That doesn’t happen if you just stare into the screen and let other athletes claim all the glory for themselves.
That’s the fear of taking down a big race people projected onto my 100 mile effort.
Instead of saying ‘I can’t do that!’ I want you to instead think ‘That might not be the challenge for me, but it’s AWESOME to see someone go for something big and I want to see what’s a good aim for me!’
It’s a subtle change in thinking that will have a major impact on how you live a meaningful life through sports.
If admire the transcendence ‘C’ experienced and want a similar transformation in your own life, send me a message using the button below and let’s talk about aiming you back into the arena for all the right reasons.
I wish you all good competing, let’s get after it!